San Francisco, CA
02 / 03 / 03
Local San Francisco pet store, Pet Shop Boys, recently opened a gerbil section. New addition, Lemmiwinks the Gerbil, however has yet to leave his cage corner, blink, or even go to the bathroom with other gerbils.
Philips Gerbil Imports claims Lemmiwinks looked frightened the first day he entered the city. He came from a good home and experienced mild separation anxiety, but nothing out of the ordinary. "We've had similar experiences in the past, but I think Lemmiwinks is.." as he drops to a whisper "...homophobic.."
Due to evolution, it has been discussed that gerbils by their nature are in fact becoming homophobic. It has been proven in the past; giraffes evolved long neck so they could reach food at the top of trees, wisdom teeth are disappearing, and flying squirrels have adapted to better get from tree to tree avoiding predators. This would simply be another example along those same lines.(and, while many gerbils have not made an anal voyage in their lifetimes, the entire species worldwide has developed fear of gay sexual acts in response to reports made by those surviving several high profile gerbils victimized by homosexuals.)
Owners Toni and Guy have seen sales skyrocket since the gerbil section was opened last summer, but are starting to become worried for their four-footed friends. The have stopped returns and refunds on gerbils coming back with anything greater than first degree burns but fear this is not enough to remove fear from the rodents' hearts.
Frightened Lemmiwinks is available to a good home for $3.99.
